Friday, 5 April 2019
The weekend desert
Well sitting here in bed. Another lonely weekend without my husband. Like you, weekends were kinda special and a time we spent together ...with family and friends.
Now I try to fill them in with an outing or some activity. Somehow the week is easier to do.
Always try to plan something even if it is going and doing your weekly shopping or a trip to the library. These seemingly little trips help to take up some of the long days.
Ring a friend or do something you enjoy. Plan to go to the movies or a show.
When you are widowed there can seem less access to others on the weekend. People seemed busier and less able to catch up.
Some of my weekends were so long....like three days not two....ha ha.
In time, you adjust to the loneliness or maybe you just get used to it.
However, plan ahead and try to contact a least one person.
We can survive this !!!
Love, Wendy x
Now I try to fill them in with an outing or some activity. Somehow the week is easier to do.
Always try to plan something even if it is going and doing your weekly shopping or a trip to the library. These seemingly little trips help to take up some of the long days.
Ring a friend or do something you enjoy. Plan to go to the movies or a show.
When you are widowed there can seem less access to others on the weekend. People seemed busier and less able to catch up.
Some of my weekends were so long....like three days not two....ha ha.
In time, you adjust to the loneliness or maybe you just get used to it.
However, plan ahead and try to contact a least one person.
We can survive this !!!
Love, Wendy x
Thursday, 4 April 2019
Tuesday, 2 April 2019
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Although we always think of PTSD as being related to soldiers and victims of trauma, it is possible to have it from losing a loved one. I was very interested to read the symptoms of having it. They were exactly what I was struggling with. Trouble sleeping, eating, flashbacks, anxiety, etc.
When you google PTSD, loss is recorded as one of the life experiences which predisposes you.
It makes sense that after such a traumatic event that you may suffer for weeks, months or sometimes, years from it. I was unaware of this outcome.
I am not likening our experiences to what a soldier or war victim experiences. However, being widowed is another kind of trauma for the mind, body and soul.
Trauma is trauma and the body responds accordingly.
It was funny because I would never have thought I was suffering from it until someone told me. Losing someone you love is traumatic. Going through the months while they fall away before your eyes is harrowing. So it stands to reason that your whole being and heart is traumatized.
Check out the sites on PTSD and see if they resonate with what you are feeling.
I know I have been struggling with it because the passing was horrible and I was deeply effected. Now I work towards healing and lessening my stress.
Be kind to yourself.
We will come out of this stronger than before.
Love, Wendy x
When you google PTSD, loss is recorded as one of the life experiences which predisposes you.
It makes sense that after such a traumatic event that you may suffer for weeks, months or sometimes, years from it. I was unaware of this outcome.
I am not likening our experiences to what a soldier or war victim experiences. However, being widowed is another kind of trauma for the mind, body and soul.
Trauma is trauma and the body responds accordingly.
It was funny because I would never have thought I was suffering from it until someone told me. Losing someone you love is traumatic. Going through the months while they fall away before your eyes is harrowing. So it stands to reason that your whole being and heart is traumatized.
Check out the sites on PTSD and see if they resonate with what you are feeling.
I know I have been struggling with it because the passing was horrible and I was deeply effected. Now I work towards healing and lessening my stress.
Be kind to yourself.
We will come out of this stronger than before.
Love, Wendy x
Monday, 1 April 2019
Reliving the passing when you go out
Last week I decided to go off to the shops. The day was sunny and I was not too bad. However, after a coffee outing...my little treat.... I bumped into some old acquaintances from my husband's baseball team.
Once again, I had to trawl through the sad details and try not to cry in the supermarket aisle.
Usually the people are shocked by the news and you land up consoling them. Telling them you are sorry to have to tell them and generally, having to deal with their grief.
This has happened to me countless times. There were days I avoided leaving the house simply to have a break from dealing with this unpredictable situation.
You can try to avoid others on your bad days but it is a fact of life. Just take a breath and focus on what you have to do. Keep calm because it will be over soon.
Afterwards, it stirred me up a lot. Often I could not eat for hours and the memories flooded into my mind. I was always affected by the encounter.
I have been bumping into people for the last eighteen months and every time is confronting.
Accept it happens, deal with it there and then take very good care of yourself for the rest of the day.
Love, Wendy x
Once again, I had to trawl through the sad details and try not to cry in the supermarket aisle.
Usually the people are shocked by the news and you land up consoling them. Telling them you are sorry to have to tell them and generally, having to deal with their grief.
This has happened to me countless times. There were days I avoided leaving the house simply to have a break from dealing with this unpredictable situation.
You can try to avoid others on your bad days but it is a fact of life. Just take a breath and focus on what you have to do. Keep calm because it will be over soon.
Afterwards, it stirred me up a lot. Often I could not eat for hours and the memories flooded into my mind. I was always affected by the encounter.
I have been bumping into people for the last eighteen months and every time is confronting.
Accept it happens, deal with it there and then take very good care of yourself for the rest of the day.
Love, Wendy x
The widow/ widower card from "It's all about..moving on "
The widow card is the card you use when you don’t want to do
something. It allows you to decline and not show up. Use the widow card to
extricate yourself from stressful or undesirable events. I did not wish to
travel and used it. I was not up to a funeral so I did not go.
Being widowed is a daily struggle and some days are
definitely better than others. Underneath all of your trying to cope, runs a
river of unrelenting sorrow. Unless someone has been down this path, they cannot
know how it feels. Only you do.
Pull out the widow’s card as often as necessary. Bear no
guilt and made no excuses. Grief entitles you to tender loving care and time
out. As you move through the months and years, you heal and need the card less
and less. You have to protect yourself and the best person to know how to do
this is you.
Sometimes you may agree then change your mind. It is fine to
chop and change because your emotions are shifting continually. I cried every
day for a year and besides being exhausting, it made normal life difficult. The
widow card saved me many times.
I wanted to be like before able to achieve anything I set my
heart on. However, the crippling pain and loss knocked me over and left me a
shell of myself. Be kind to yourself. You are facing a monumental loss and it
will take time to heal.
The more you use the widow’s card, the more others come to realise that
you are not a super hero.
Holding on to hope
During the loss, it is easy to lose hope. However, you will survive this time and find more peace. As the days, weeks and months pass your aching heart will heal. I heard someone say that you learn to live with it. Actually, you have little choice.
I wanted to find my way back to some form of happiness. I did not wish to become bitter about the cards that I had been dealt. Instead, I wanted to grow into a better person.
Keep looking ahead and know it will improve. To have loved and been loved is a gift that few truly experience. Be grateful for that chance at love and happiness.
Love, Wendy x
I wanted to find my way back to some form of happiness. I did not wish to become bitter about the cards that I had been dealt. Instead, I wanted to grow into a better person.
Keep looking ahead and know it will improve. To have loved and been loved is a gift that few truly experience. Be grateful for that chance at love and happiness.
Love, Wendy x
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