The widow/ widower card from "It's all about..moving on "

The widow card is the card you use when you don’t want to do something. It allows you to decline and not show up. Use the widow card to extricate yourself from stressful or undesirable events. I did not wish to travel and used it. I was not up to a funeral so I did not go.

Being widowed is a daily struggle and some days are definitely better than others. Underneath all of your trying to cope, runs a river of unrelenting sorrow. Unless someone has been down this path, they cannot know how it feels. Only you do.

Pull out the widow’s card as often as necessary. Bear no guilt and made no excuses. Grief entitles you to tender loving care and time out. As you move through the months and years, you heal and need the card less and less. You have to protect yourself and the best person to know how to do this is you.

Sometimes you may agree then change your mind. It is fine to chop and change because your emotions are shifting continually. I cried every day for a year and besides being exhausting, it made normal life difficult. The widow card saved me many times.

I wanted to be like before able to achieve anything I set my heart on. However, the crippling pain and loss knocked me over and left me a shell of myself. Be kind to yourself. You are facing a monumental loss and it will take time to heal.

The more you use the widow’s card, the more others come to realise that you are not a super hero.