Fear

Grief may manifest as fear. It is a scary path to tread alone. I was scared of everything especially in the beginning. The fear was strong and unrelenting. All of a sudden I was alone and responsible for everything as well as the way I was feeling. Fear like this is crippling.

Once you realize that the emotion you are experiencing is fear going through is easier. Grief stresses the body and makes you scared. Most of your fear comes from the daily grind of moving through loss. There is fear attached to being single and not having your rock with you. Being solely responsible for the decisions and all money concerns weigh heavily. Instead of having another close person you are alone. When you have been in a close shared partnership the fear is strong. The longer you have lived as a couple, the more entrenched are the dependency behaviours.

Take a breath and progress slowly. There is always help on hand and you are never truly going solo.

Often the death is a terrifying ordeal and leaves you reeling. Unlike the gentle and orchestrated passing showed on television, some last memories are disturbing. Fear manifests from these traumatic situations.

Be gentle with yourself because although no one talks about the fear it is definitely a massive obstacle during the first few weeks and months. Initially, I did not understand that I was experiencing it. Grief has many emotions and I had not fully realized that my general uneasiness was simply fear.

You may have fear of living alone, being able to cope, losing your mind, and being able to figure out all the chores surrounding the death. In the wee hours, you may wake up scared and feeling sick. All these responses are normal. However, once you accept most of them come from your fears you can put them to rest.

When I had a fearful time I went back into survival mode. In the next few hours or days I utilized all my techniques. As time passed the fear lessened but when I was triggered it came back in full force.

Calming herbs, medication, deep breathing, and release work help. On the bad days, don’t attempt anything. Rest and do nurturing activities. Once the fear abates you may try something more challenging.

Never underestimate the effects of fear on you. It is crippling. However, know that you are capable of moving past it and coming into a calmer place.