Moving on and carrying on

When a loved one dies a part of you dies too.

Moving on is not leaving your loved one behind. You take them forever with you in your heart and mind. When you move on you heal along the way and accept your loss. It is a healthy and positive way to cope with grief.

However, carrying on denotes that you bring the baggage with you. It is like carrying an extra load. Carrying on is arduous. Of course, there are situations where you do resort to simply carrying on. Usually hopelessness and resignation are part of carrying on. Instead of releasing the emotions, you carry them. Some people believe unless they hold onto these feelings they lose the loved one.

Moving on means you are walking into the future. Carrying on often means the past is dragged along with you.

You can choose either way but be aware of getting stuck when you choose to carry on. When we die we would wish that others who are left behind suffer as little as possible. We would want them to move one because they are still on earth.

When Ray died I did both of them, carrying on and moving on. At the beginning I was carrying on more because it was overwhelming. However, after a while I began to move on. It was painful because I wanted it to be like before. Being married had meant a great deal to me and losing him and the marriage hit hard. However, I knew that without moving on I would be caught back in the past. The past no longer existed in my present. Only memories lay there. Deciding to move on happens slowly.

Moving on is a form of acceptance. A realization of our new reality.

Knowing I took him with me into the future helped me make the shift. In my heart,  I would always love him. He had been forty three years with me and a massive part of my world. However, to find personal happiness I needed to look to the future as uncertain as it was.

Moving on is not easy. All of your soul wants another outcome. The heart hankers for the past. However, moving on is a lighter load than carrying on.