Celebrations are confronting during loss. Somehow the
contradiction with the happiness of the event and immense sadness of your loss
makes having to be part of it conflicting. Celebrations may be general or
specific. It does not matter because for you trying to manoeuvre through them
is the trick.
I had seven pivotal events during my loss. They include
birthdays, Christmas, and New Year. I barely scraped through them as it was
only a couple of months after his death. On Christmas Day, I sobbed from lunch
till I feel asleep in the early hours. These first occasions are harder than you
think.
Shield yourself as much as possible. The time for putting
others first are gone. You are the one trying to find a way to function. Go to
the celebrations when you want but use the cancellation policy if necessary.
You can choose not to attend these times. Stay home, eat
ice-cream, and watch television. Not going one year makes no difference long
term. Next year you will be stronger and more able to deal with happy
celebrations. I cancelled Christmas in my house. No Christmas tree, no
decorations and I stayed home on the day. It was my way of getting through an
arduous time. Before the house was brimming with Christmas paraphernalia. It was a
wise decision. I was not reminded weeks before of being alone this year. After
Christmas, I did not have to cry my way through packing up the tree and
decorations.
You are grieving and can makes new rules and boundaries to
keep yourself stable. In time, you will return to yourself. It will be a
different self but a more compassionate and capable one.
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