Losing Your Partner

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Sunday 26 May 2019

Meltdowns

It is normal to have constant meltdowns everywhere. These episodes are spasmodic and you may have big and small meltdowns. The grief simply spills into everything. When you are a private person coming to terms and acceptance of this occurrence takes time.

I broke down at coffee shops, in banks, and at the slightest provocation. The floods opened and the tears flowed unrelentingly.

The greater the loss, the more meltdowns you suffer.

The best outcome is to know that it is unavoidable and not a sign of weakness. Be kind to yourself. I expected the meltdowns to be easier after a few months, only to find them getting worse. I hoped before I set off for the party or shopping trip those previous hours of tears would “dry” me up.

However, it was not something I relied on. It is surprising with the amount of heartache around that there are not more people crying in public places.

Time is a great healer and although meltdowns are annoying they are great because they release all your pent-up emotions. You find in time the episodes lessen in intensity and there are bigger gaps between your meltdowns.

Love, Wendy x

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Doing it your way

Unless you have experienced deep loss, you cannot really understand the wider implications. Many people suggest things but I urge you to follow your own feelings. Only you know how it feels...well kinda. Some days I could not even comprehend where I was in the whole process.

However, please by guided by your own instincts.....yes, they are still there. Follow your own pace and do what you can when you can.

Grief fluctuates and it is best to use a day by day approach.

You are not always getting better...some days you are getting worse, so rest and soothe yourself. Go back to work when you decide, begin socializing when you want and do not always listen to others.

Remember that they are not carrying the emotional load you are. Their well meaning suggestions come from a another space of normal life. The life we had before but now does not exist. What they suggest is doable from their perspective but seems insurmountable for us.

Go at your own pace. Forget about the 2 year it is all over idea. The loss process is slow and unpredictable.

Day by day. You know best what feels possible and what is another burden on a bad day.

Trust yourself and stop feeling weak or guilty for not being able to function as before.

Grief is crippling and therefore, allow your healing to take as long as needed. I just keep giving myself more time and have lessened the pressure on myself to get over it now.

We are all works in progress. Love yourself enough to allow the healing to take as long as you need.

Take care of yourself.

Love, Wendy x

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Wednesday 15 May 2019

Are you experiencing distress?

Distress is a heightened feeling of extreme anxiety, sorrow and pain.

No one speaks about the distress you feel when a loved one dies.

I had weeks and months of this extreme emotion and initially, did not recognise I was experiencing distress. Because it went on for ages and stayed at a high level, I was consumed by it every day.

Perhaps you have been actually living in a distressed space without having a word for that emotion.

Distress is consuming and tiring.

I would wake up at all hours and have this awful feeling. I felt like it was overwhelming the day or night. Eventually, the episodes of being very distressed lessened but then it would come out of nowhere and upset me.

It does pass but you generally have to ride the storm.

Remember grief has many layers so be kind to yourself. Nurture yourself and use whatever works to soothe your soul.

Love, Wendy x

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