Avoiding stress

Going through grief is stressful enough without adding more to your day. You will have different aspects of life and different people who stress you. Your reactions to situations are the clue. When you feel agitated and unable to cope that is stress. Learning to be aware of these stresses helps.

Lessen your stress, especially on the bad days. Work out who are the family and friends you feel stress with. Then only contact them when necessary or when you are up to it. Recognize the scenarios in which you feel uncomfortable and avoid them. If they are unavoidable, only go for a short time or cancel at the last minute when your resources are low.

Be free to use your cancellation card. All my friends and clients knew that I could bail out if necessary. I saw this as looking after myself and allowing the grieving process to unfold naturally. There were days I was not functional and dinner was merely a sandwich. The phone was not answered and I shut myself in away from the world. I was, in fact, healing. Other days were easier and I sailed through them and was able to accomplish more than I thought was possible.

Take stock of what is needed and what is not. We often work on old patterns not questioning whether it suits us now. Old stresses are easy to see, however new stresses emerge in the mourning phase and they challenge us. The will, the extra work load, paying bills, and general running of the household are lone projects you have to address. Get help and advice to lessen the stress and learn how to do the new areas of your life.

I had days off. I did not check the post or my emails. I allowed a day off without opening letters addressed to my husband or having to answer more emails regarding his death. During the first few months, I kept away from funerals and the news. Life can be managed this way. The timeout helped me rebalance and be at peace. I used herbal teas and relaxation techniques to build up my strength. Being alone enabled me to come back to myself and be in a stress free place.

Stress is avoidable but only when you see it and find ways to navigate around it.

There are several practical ways to avoid stress. Keeping away from difficult or draining people is the best solution. Drama queens also need to be avoided. Grief creates a huge amount of internal stress and negative or tiring individuals are too hard to cope with. Being on your own is a better choice. Try to see people who are calm and positive and make you feel better.

Write out a list of what is stressing you. The list may contain the little stresses as well as the big ones. Then endeavor to minimize them in your daily life. The stresses change as you move through the weeks and months, however some are constant.

Delegating jobs helps to lessen your load and it is good to have support. Lots of people like to give help and show their support. A task which is confronting for you is easy for them. You are the one struggling and trying to cope, whereas they are in a better emotional space.

Avoid crowds and any event that cause you stress. Grief is unpredictable. On the low days avoid the stress and stay home. Try to keep away from funerals or hospitals until you are stronger. Change your route if driving past the place where they died is near you. All these strategies keep your stress meter from going up.

Walk away from conflict and deal with messy situation only when you are up to it. This is not being weak; it is taking care of you. No one is going to understand how you feel inside. Therefore, you need to make decisions that support your peace.

Stress is part of life, but we are able to monitor how much we allow into our world. Your resources are low and emotionally you are vulnerable. Take care of yourself.