Moving on from people

Going through tough times shows who are really there for you. Often, the realization is disappointing and hurtful. Once you are alone not everyone wants to give true support. Sometimes, old ones fade away and new friends emerge. For you, moving on may mean leaving some people behind. Even in the midst of grief, it is interesting how clear this area becomes.

In the end, it comes down to words and actions. Many people promise at lot, but that is all. Others show in action that they are standing with you through thick and thin.

Not everyone deals well with loss or death. They may be overwhelmed with their own situation and be ill-equipped to deal with any more stress. People who are emotionally stunted and avoiders will want to hide away.

People who show through actions are the best ones to have in your life. They ring and text often. They make time to see you and actually do help you with chores and give advice. Honor these individuals because they help to get you through one of the most difficult journeys you will ever travel. Accept offers of help and make the effort to see them regularly. These amazing souls have been put in your path to give love and support.

Be grateful to those loving souls who give support and let the others do as they wish. On the journey having others close helps enormously. You need help, but it is best to rely on the reliable. While your emotions are messy and you are fragile being let down is going to affect you too much.

I moved on from many who left me alone, regardless of our long history as friends. I knew they only wanted to be with me when I was the fun and helpful Wendy. It made me feel worse to be ignored by them, so I invested less and let them go. Later, I chose to be with people who loved me unconditionally and gave real support.

Less was more while I navigated the lonely path of grief. My true friends nourished me and understood. It was a better choice for me.

During loss you may lose family and friends. Not everyone wants to be there for the bad times. One of my closest friends abandoned me three days before my husband died. I was devastated. It happens.

Friendships are either strengthened or weakened in difficult times. It is best to let the ones who can’t or won’t support, go. Others will step into their places. Be open to new friends or people who return from the past. This is a time you need all the help that is offered.

Take some risks and venture out. Although I felt vulnerable, it was better to try and make connections. I found some wonderful people who helped me move through unchartered waters. They accepted me as a single person and were generous with their love, counsel, and time. No one replaces the one you have loved, but others help you through the tricky days.

Invest in the people who invest in you, especially when your life is in crisis. These relationships were strengthened through my loss. Just knowing when someone says that you can ring them day and night that they mean it is a gift.

The experience of loss ebbs and flows. It is like being swept along by a fast-moving river. However, having support along the journey means you move ahead safely and in love.