Trauma, PTSD and Suicide

Grief is obsessive by nature. Your emotional compass is unbalanced and it causes dysfunction in your thought processes. It takes no time at all to be caught in a loop which runs over and over.

Your internal emotional, mental, and psychological machine is playing constantly during the grief process. After my husband died, I had flashbacks from the last few weeks and months. Whenever I was not concentrating, in they came. I felt swamped by the past. I can’t remember how many times that last day and his actual death jumped into my thoughts. There were the memories and the painful emotions.

When the death or time of loss is traumatic, the imprint is stronger and harder to avoid.

Every time I was reliving it, I tried to let it go. This changed my focus and enabled me to move on. In releasing it, there was acknowledgment and over time, the time between the flashbacks lengthened.

Gradually, by replacing these negative memories your brain is rewired into a positive space. Good and healthy internal thoughts feed you, while distressing or highly emotional ones drain you.

Loss is painful and hard, but you do not have to continue to relive it and experience negative and sad thoughts forever.

Your internal world underpins your outer life and it is good to build a happy platform upon which to live.

Grief creates trauma. The shock of the death leaves emotional, psychological, and mental damage. The memories and flashbacks remain long after the passing. You may be moving well through the process only to be triggered and then the trauma comes to the fore.

The death of my husband was particularly traumatic, especially for my middle son and me. Sadly, he passed away painfully. My others sons and their family missed seeing him before he died and arrived later at the hospital. After months of illness, it was a horrible end. After his passing, my son and I struggled with the flashbacks and emotions connected with the last weeks.

Trauma takes time to resolve. In the beginning, the flashbacks were vivid and unrelenting. After a while they submerged somewhat. However, any small reminder had them rushing to the surface again. I used Emotional Freedom Tapping and release meditation to clear the initial emotional and mental trauma. In addition, every time it began to surface, I replaced it with another thought or memory.

You might carry similar trauma. Being aware of the existence of trauma allows you to face it and then work at diminishing it. Use everything at your disposal to let the trauma go.

Traumatic deaths are especially difficult. Having been with others who died in my presence I was used to the death experience. However, when you are involved with a particularly distressing passing the outcome is completely different. The other people were sedated and simply lay there quietly and slipped away. However, if you endured a painful and fitful passing, it is agonizing. When he eventually passed, it seemed like a relief and the suffering for him was over. Afterwards, my son and I sat there in the hospital room with his dead body for three hours waiting for the rest of the family to arrive from interstate.

Trauma is a usual outcome but very rarely discussed. After some work, my trauma lessened and became more manageable. Whenever I felt it rising, I quickly removed myself from the trigger. There may be layers of trauma buried in your body. Do not beat yourself up when it presents itself unexpectedly. Simply clear it and move on.

There will always be a little shadow of trauma in your soul reminding you of that time. It cannot be fully eased. However, your powerful responses may be alleviated.

Remember that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder may become a reality for you after someone dies. I did not realize that I had it until after the first year. Check out the symptoms online and seek help if you think you are experiencing it. It is an undiagnosed outcome for many widowed people.

Suicide is a real issue after loss. There seems to be little point going on without them and in a way, a part of us has died too. However, be very careful if you begin to have suicidal thoughts and try to get help.

Grief changes over time and you will learn to live with it and heal. It is normal to have dark times when the demons come, but understand that it will pass.

My widowed friend often told me he has lost hope and wanted to fall off the perch as he said. However, he came to terms with his loss and lived nearly a decade after his wife passed.

Spiralling down is dangerous, especially if you are alone so ring for help. And our loved ones don’t want us to die. If anything, they want us to live our life out and find some happiness.

Being the one left behind is harder in some ways than being the one who dies. We are left with the grief and emptiness. Be kind to yourself and know that it is a hard road and there will be difficult days, but eventually it becomes easier.

I encourage you to take any suicidal thoughts seriously and reach out to family, friends and professionals to help you navigate your way through. You don’t have to do it alone.