Time warp

Loss has a strange effect on time. Some hours seem like days. Some weeks are everlasting. Your concept of time is altered. There are times when you think the day will never end. It seems to be frozen and every time you checked the clock, it has hardly moved. The time warp is inconsistent and unpredictable. You awake at ten in the morning and think that the rest of the day is shortened, only to be faced with the never-ending afternoon and night. On the bad days, it is awful.

Some events and special days like their birthday or an anniversary take ages to arrive. The weeks before seem prolonged and arduous. Everything is in slow motion.

Then you skip through a couple of days and think how fast they went. Gradually, time sorts itself out, but in the beginning, it is unpredictable. Eventually, I settled with this time discrepancy and succumbed to it. Bingeing on serials or doing some mindless chores filled in the hours. Ringing a friend or reading made the process easier. As a last resort, going to bed early shortened the day and the pain.

At the start, the weeks seemed like months and while the world quickens, yours slows considerably. Perhaps being in constant emotional pain and turmoil adds to the time warp. It’s like wanting to be out of this terrible time and not being able to do anything to stop it.

The disconnection you feel adds to the time warp. Part of you is back there trying to process the loss, while the other part is grappling with the now. Not feeling present is normal.

Another strange aspect of time confusion is the sameness of each day. You awake to face the same emotional void. The person is gone and you are left alone. The repetitive Groundhog Day is like doing time. Instead of movement, you are stuck in the same emotions, day after day. Of course, you know it is one day later or one month on, but it seems like the same situation physically, emotionally, and mentally.