Trust and Asking for Help 

Surprisingly, trust becomes an issue during grief. I did not trust that I would survive the ordeal. It felt insurmountable to me. I am sure you have felt the same enormity and fragility. Due to my messy and unstable condition, I felt unable to rely on my ability to make wise decisions. My usual coping skills were stretched simply making it till lunchtime.

People offer help, but you can’t work out who to trust and rely upon. Many people say they are there to give support, but when you ask, they are too busy. It is not your fault because you trusted what they said was true. In the end, it is what others do, not what they say they will do. Use this as a gauge, rather than believing them naively.

Some family and friends stay and others slide into the shadows. Everything is shifting beneath your feet and it feels insecure. Take a step back and give yourself time to reassess.

The fog lifts over time and remember that your antennae are not broken, simply a bit wobbly. I tried to make decisions and do tricky tasks on my better days. My ability to order the right items or remember to pay a bill were compromised. The old reliable me was gone. My trust in my abilities was challenged, so I enlisted others to help me or to check what I had done was right.

Trust makes us feel secure and grief makes us feel insecure.

Asking for help is difficult. When you are used to depending on one person or yourself, it takes a shift to ask for assistance. The one person you could always rely on is gone.

At first, it scared me. How could I possibly do everything on my own? Then I came up with a plan. The man/woman in the van. I attempted to fix what I could and then I got help by calling the man/woman in the van. They were the experts in the chosen field and he or she could solve it. By knowing there was outside help, I felt less stressed. One phone call or text meant I was not alone. Luckily, I also had a son and a few friends who helped a lot.

Once I came to the realization that in fact, I was surrounded by assistance I felt relieved and supported. In the future, I can repay the any favours done by my family and friends.

Whenever the nervousness and anxiety rise remind yourself that you have support. Anxiety and worry diminish once we find a solution.

There are various changes after loss of any kind. The props that held you up might be gone, but you can be resourceful and resolve all problems.