Baby steps

After the passing, begin slowly and don’t make unrealistic expectations. Not only are you moving on, you are healing as well. Healing works in bursts and therefore, you may feel at times at a loss. Be patient as this will pass.

Most of us want to head out of the painful places quickly. However, the pain and hurt need to be dealt with and felt. You will hit troughs along the way. Often, you think it is over only to find another massive section surfacing. Keep calm and remember, baby steps.

It is wiser to nurture yourself and take as long as you need. Otherwise in your rush to have it over and done with, you may be forced to backtrack.

We may have family and friends who are aware of our fragility but not everyone will be. Take the time you need and stop trying to be what others want you to be. In a sense, you are emotionally crippled and not able to be as you were.

Mostly, we come through these awful situations stronger and wiser but not when we overstep our threshold. I was a mess. I cried a million tears and was never sure when the tears were about to flood. While I was coping with my mixed emotions, I found that trying to be normal added another level of difficulty. I worked out that staying home and doing my own thing was easier.

People normally want what is best for others, but we usually advise through our own filters. What is healing for one is not healing for another. My time alone was lonely and sad. However, it let me move through my emotions and experience the wide range of feelings that grief brings up. Being by myself let me be with my emotions with no outside pressure. When I needed help, I asked. My friends sent me encouraging, loving messages. Others came to my house and gave me company. Some sent flowers and small treats.

I choose to limit my work load and used the days to work on getting better.

After the death, you will be devastated. It may be the worst time in your adult life. It is like being knocked over and your head is spinning. Step ahead slowly and stop when you have to.

Some days even everyday tasks are hard and you have to push yourself to complete them. While keeping in structure and regaining our old life brings stability, take it slowly.

Remember, baby steps.