The funeral and the death anniversaries

Families decide what kind of funeral will happen. Perhaps, the person who has died had input as well. After the passing, the funeral is the next major event. Do what you and your family want. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and family setups. It is your decision as a family, no one else’s.

My husband wanted a private family funeral with little fuss. I followed his wishes and received a lot of flak. It helped me see that funerals are not only for the one who passed. Some individuals could not cope with our family’s funeral. However, stick to your guns. This is totally your decision and your partner’s. I was made to feel uncomfortable and strange because of his request. It stunned our family.

During these occasions having no funeral or doing it differently may not be well-received, but stand your ground. What society dictates is not always right for everyone. In my case, I felt that these complaining individuals were being selfish and not actually respecting my husband’s wishes. They simply wanted to look good by turning up. I am happy my family and I were strong enough to do what he asked.

Sometimes, the funeral arrangements for many families are not easy. There may be fights and hidden agendas, so be careful. Try to find a good outcome amidst the heightened emotions. Being flexible during this difficult time is important. Normally, you only have one funeral and getting everyone’s wishes granted may be tricky.

In the end, the funeral supports those left behind more than the deceased. It honors their life, but everyone there is living and going through their own emotions of the day.

Be brave and have the funeral your family wishes and forget about pleasing anyone else. The passing of the person is felt the most by the family and close friends. Remember that all the acquaintances who come to the funeral are on the periphery of your life. In many cases, it may be the first and last time you see them.

The anniversary of their death is very hard to bear. The weeks leading up to their passing can be nerve-wracking and the actual day filled with tears.

Do whatever you want on the anniversary, especially the first one. There is no right or wrong. We are all different and our relationship with our partners was unique. Therefore, we will choose many ways to remember them on these anniversaries.

The first one is the very painful as it is still so close to the passing. I was a total mess and stayed home all day. For me, that was the best option. Others have gatherings and visit the grave. It is up to you what you do. There are no rules around the anniversary.

The following anniversaries are challenging, but year after year they morph into different types of days. Over time, most people forget the anniversary day and you may be left alone. Do whatever makes it less arduous and take good care of yourself.