Forgiveness and Acceptance 

To forgive means you stop blaming or feeling anger towards the person or situation. You no longer wish to punish them.

After losing your partner, there is much to forgive. You have to forgive the situation, yourself and often them for going. It is in forgiveness that you truly move on.

During grief, there may be a great amount of anger and blame. The doctors may be blamed and you feel angry because your loved one has dying. Being left behind makes you angry and how your life turned out feels the same. You may be angry at God, your situation, and from being widowed.

Once your anger dissipates, forgiving becomes easier. I worked for months to let it go and be able to completely forgive. I forgave him for dying which seemed ridiculous, the situation I found myself in and most importantly, myself. It took a great deal of work to come to a final sense of forgiveness. However, it taught me that with forgiveness comes peace and healing.

Writing out your woes helps the anger shift. Acknowledging how angry I was and how much I was punishing myself took time. However, it was pivotal in my healing to find forgiveness.

I told my family that they no longer had to be angry for my situation because I had forgiven everything that had occurred. When the passing has been difficult and without resolution, anger and blame may prevail. Not everyone is a good patient or changed before they die. Many become even more stubborn and refuse to make retribution. People do not change just because they are facing their death. Often, they become even more entrenched in poor behaviour because they are angry because they are going.

Work at forgiveness because it releases you in a way that nothing else does. Stop being angry, blaming, and punishing yourself and others. Although it is a normal response, you do not have to live like this forever.

To not forgive is a weaker stand than forgiving. It takes much strength and love to come to forgiveness.

Like forgiveness, coming to acceptance may take a while. Be patient because your new life with its immeasurable losses takes time to come to terms with. There are many changes to grapple with, let alone accept.

Be kind and gentle when working towards acceptance. The constant reinforcement of your new daily life brings you into accepting your fate.

There is no way to change loss. Your entire existence is forever changed. There is no way to go back and only a maze of unknowns ahead. Nevertheless, the more time passes, the easier acceptance becomes. The new reality is that the person is never coming back.

More than time, acceptance heals all.

Time brings you to this acceptance. I took baby steps accepting my husband had died and that I was left alone. Accepting my new lifestyle was difficult and I struggled. My new status as widow made me have to redefine myself. Although there were many possibilities ahead, there was also loss and loneliness. These seemed to overwhelm the possibilities. Travelling alone felt less inviting, as did watching a movie by myself.

No one replaces someone you have loved. You may fill the space with other people or activities, but it is never the same. I missed the familiarity and closeness gained simply by living as a couple. You have lived together and nothing or no one is filling that void.

Over the months, acceptance becomes easier. Your time alone is the new normal and as you look wistfully at other couples you accept that is not part of your current world. It could be again but not with your previous loved one. Finally, you face the fact that it is over. All you have are memories and the fading story of your times together. That is sad.

Acceptance works layer by layer. You cannot rush it or skip over it. Your new life reinforces the changes and cements the truth. You may reminiscence and remember events and special occasions, however you accept your time as a couple is over. The tears and loneliness bring you to this final destination.

Acceptance is living in the present, while honoring the past.

There is great growth in acceptance. You allow yourself to head into the future with promise and the lessons learned. Your heart finally heals and sunshine comes more readily into your world. You begin to live your life as a single person and survive.