Solitary life

Being widowed is a solitary life. You do everything alone and the days and nights are long. As the months pass, this solitary time does get easier on some level. However, it also becomes harder to bear. The repetitive nature of your life is gruelling. I was tired of doing it all on my own. Although I was more skilled at doing the necessary tasks, it was tiring and I felt sad.

Of course, you may connect with others and keep yourself busy, but underneath the pain and constant aching remains. The single life brings some benefits and there is a kind of freedom. You can do whatever you want with few constraints. However, there is a cost.

Unless you have lived this life, you will not understand the upheaval it causes. I was faced with myself every day and the passing of time did not change that reality.

Be kind to yourself and know that the pining you feel is true and real. No one ever talks about pining, but that is how you feel. I ached to be in a couple relationship. My nature was not a solitary one and I loved living with others. This was the first time for four decades that I was totally alone and it was awful.

You do adjust, but it is a non-life because of the obvious emptiness. No one and nothing actually fill that emotional crater. Keep positive and endeavor to make the most of a raw deal, but never feel weak or guilty for disliking the solitary life.

Loners may cope better, but even they will pine and suffer.

In all experiences, there are lessons and living alone makes us stronger and more resilient. However, I would not choose it as my lifestyle. I am not cut out to live a solitary existence. Still, it is my lot and I need to make the most of the life I have.

Weekends can seem everlasting and challenging. At the beginning the weekend may feel like a whole week unless you plan ahead. Try to do something on at least one day. If possible, fill Saturday and Sunday. My first weekend experiences were disastrous. I felt terribly lost and alone. In addition, being a family and couple time, I was less likely to want to invade the personal space of others.

Plan to see someone for coffee or an outing. Although it only fills a few hours, it breaks up the two days. I had weekends that were totally empty and so I decided to go shopping on one of the days. I also took myself out for coffee or off to the garden shop. Saturday nights were particularly barren and I made sure I watched a movie, read a book, or rang a friend.

Single and widowed people are the most available. They may also be rattling around and their time is not as limited. Some single groups meet on weekends and joining them is a great idea.

Nothing replaces your partner but having spent every weekend together I found this time the hardest to deal with. I felt more alone and disconnected from others.

Plan ahead and when you have no social outings with people go to the shops or for a walk.

Reinventing yourself presents certain problems. You have to search back into your soul to discover the real you. One outcome from being in a long-term relationship is that you have done less of your single activities. After the loss, it makes you look at yourself in new light.

I was free to be whoever I wanted to be without the couple aspect to consider. This was liberating and daunting. Initially, it saddened me because I missed being married. However, I had no choice. I was here alone.

As the bereaving time moves ahead you are left with many decisions. One of the biggest ones is who am I now? I asked myself what I liked and wanted to do. I began with a list of what I loved to do now and before when I was younger. Then I set about exploring those interests. I hauled out my old treasures and began to change the whole house. All my blue and white china came out as did my crystal collection. I renewed my former interests and purchased several items to begin my new hobbies.

It took a while to develop my areas of interest, but bit by bit I emerged and began to manifest my true self. During this time of growth, I worked on every aspect of who I was. I looked at my current relationships and former pastimes. I basically trawled back into the past and brought back whatever I had loved before.

Gradually, my home looked more like me and the energy changed dramatically. In my case, it was a reflection of my femininity and soul nature. I rediscovered subjects that had always fascinated me and googled more.

The parts of my personality I wished to get rid of I worked away at removing. The parts I wanted to embrace and make bigger I did the same. I wanted to be a better more loving person through this terrible ordeal and love myself and others more.