Grief triggers

Grief triggers are powerful and difficult to deal with. Try to work out what and who triggers these parts of you. Usually, your responses to situations and some people help you to see them activating.

I had several triggers and at the beginning, I was unaware of how they toppled me. The emotions and nasty flashbacks came up and made me feel sick and uneasy.

When we are triggered, there is always a strong emotion or reaction which we cannot hold back. It rises quickly into a full-blown response. Anything concerning the passing may trigger us. At the start, you are particularly vulnerable and the triggers come frequently. Over time you strengthen, however they still happen.

Deal with them and clear them as much as possible. I had to do some work in this area. I noticed that it took me several days to settle down after a trigger and return to where I was before.

Once you recognize your triggers make new arrangements. I had a friend who sent me photos of her dying son in hospital. It was on a group email and when I opened the email, it triggered my time in the hospital with my husband. My reaction was powerful and it left me reeling. Then and there I decide not to open her emails during the time I was grieving. I also had the choice to ask her not to send them to me. There are ways to shield yourself from being triggered.

While you are struggling emotionally you have to protect yourself. This is taking care of you. The smallest thing may set you off. Although you cannot counter every trigger learn from each occasion.

It is not a weakness or avoidance to only allow so much upsetting information to enter your world. No one really understands how consuming grief is and therefore, it is up to us to make boundaries.